Last week, a guy moved in from India to our office. He is, what you may consider, a bit of a fuckwad. He is still a little sullen, that life in the Bay Area is not endless fun like his venerable source of information on American life -F.R.I.E.N.D.S 

Actual conversations from today:

Him: If you put yourself in the shoes of somebody who wanted to buy this car (a 2003 Ford Mustang with 70k miles) would you say it’s a good deal

Me: I could never put myself in the shoes of someone who would buy a car which is known as the poor people’s sportscar/ ticket chaser / Detroit deathtrap

Him: But if you had to?

Me: I have to respond to some emails……

Him: I don’t want to buy same old desi cars like Corolla and all. I am very attracted to the Mustang right now.

(2 mins later)

To colleague: Which car do you have?

Colleague: Corollla. I am fairly desi.Seeing I just came in from India and all.

Him (walking around our office parking lot pointing at every car): Which car is that?

Me: A Mercedes

Him: Would it fit my budget (USD 7k)

Me: After 10 years and 100,000 miles.Maybe

Him: Which one is that

Me: A Porsche

Him: Is it also expensive?

Me: :-/

(repeat for every Lexus, Acura, Infiniti, Corvette, in the lot)

Finally: Which one is that – it looks nice

Me : That’s uhmm a BMW. Good but expensive to maintain….

Him: Who makes BMW? Chrysler?

Me :  ….like all other European Cars. and uhmm BMW makes BMW. In Bremen.

Him: How can you tell if its European?

Me: I have to respond to some emails………………

Colleague: .....you can even buy a 7-8 year old Beamer

Him: Whats a Beamer? Who makes them

Colleague: BMW

Him: BMW makes a lot of good cars

Me: I need to get some Diet Pepsi

I know some of you who read this blog have asked me for more updates but - you should know me better. I think I could be placed in the most exciting corner of the universe and still spend my weekends sleeping and weekdays daydreaming. Its just the way I am. I have really no idea how I have manage to do so little in so much time. It must be a handicap of some sort.

However,I owe this blog an update and therefore I shall present 5 observations from the past month

1) American Food - High Fructose Corn Syrup is the new CO2 emission in America right now. There is a genuine panic about the contents of American food and rising obesity(only a matter of time before people in Ludhiana start questioning the amount of butter in their Butter Chicken). There is a lot of variety  here but its also v easy to pack on pounds if you're not careful.

The good thing I like about where I am - the Bay Area, is that you have all sorts of World Cuisine and its fairly cheap and genuine. Every block is cluttered with strip malls with hole-in-the-wall Mexican Taqueiras, Indian restaurants, Chinese takeouts and fast food chains. There is also a new wave of 'fresh' content fast food chains - In and Out burgers,Chipotle etc which are good.

For the record, I've spent 100 days in USA now and not visited a McDonalds or a KFC! I think thats pretty impressive.

2) Radio - FM is pretty awesome here. Having worked in a company which had its own FM station and seen some of the planning which goes into it, I can see that the business is far more thriving here. It takes a while to not get amazed when you come across a station playing a song you really love - like Roll to Me-Dell Amitri. Those in India would understand. Its a rare privilege to scan FM stations knowing you would find something you  like on one of the  frequencies

There is undue playtime for 80s American rock -bands named after American places - Kansas,Chicago,Boston etc. Reminds me quite a lot of GTA Vice City and Supernatural.

3) GPS - It took a whole lot of pride swallowing for me to accept that I was almost always getting lost while driving around here. Getting used to the directions and road signs etc takes a while. Anyway I now have a GPS in my car and driving around with it in uncanny. Especially the sarcasm with which it says "Recalculating" ....Like, it really wants to say "How could you not make that left you idiot ????? I told you 4 times" but it sort of makes peace with your incompetence and goes "Recalculating"

4) Job -so far my job has been fun.I am enjoying my work a lot more than I have over the past 3 years. 'Nuff  said

5) Housecare - yeah - so you have to do everything in your house.Cooking,cleaning,washing,ironing and whatnot. That sucks!

In my short time here I have discovered two of the most contrasting yet equally bizzarre ways - in which the much hyped American dream has been shattered for fellow countrymen

1) For a lot of us the American dream is the money. And the high life. And status.

Once you come to America - you can take care of people you know. And gain their respect......However, when your dad is pulling carts at Lucky's superstore and cleaning up Aisle 5 to make up for a possible H1-B reissue problem....The dream is shattered

(I judge you son/daughter of J**** from Lucky's!!! I agree with dignity of labour but there is no way you need to come 10,000 miles across the globe to have your dad pack bags in a low-end superstore. SHAME on you!!!)

 2) "Hi I'm Chris Hansen, from NBC's Dateline......"

#5 - Everytime Reggie Bush got the ball, the camera did not pan on Kim Kardashian in the audience

#4 - The 'Chairman and Commissioner' of the NFL did not break into a long and windy speech thanking the people of Miami, at any stage

#3 - No Akon. Yes, The Who!

#2 - The commercials don't repeat themselves and you actually kind of look forward to them

#1 - Its still called a touchdown, not a Citi Moment of Success

Something strange has happened to me since I came to the US ! I have stopped getting dreams. Its odd and unexplainable. But thats how it is

I have been blessed with an above average imagination and up until now - have had no problem dreaming. My dreams were full of delusions of power and world-change, and Minissha Lamba. Not neccesarily in equal proportion.

When I was tense, they were about work.When I was drunk they were like like scenes from a Darren Aronofsky and Michel Gondry montage. When I was angry - there was ultraviolence and sneaky vendetta plots.

Now - nothing!

And I think I know why. When I was 16 - I dreamed of coming to America. To California. 350 miles south of where I am currently. I pictured my life as a slightly more explicit version of American Pie at first and then at some stage I would probably turn into Bruce Wayne and be elected leader of the free world. Simple dreams, they were not. But it didn't happen that way. An astrologer told my mother I was destined to study in the west. She cried - a bit. One month later, I was in Bihar.

I did move west though. To Lucknow and then, - to Delhi. By around July last year all the glamour had been sucked out of my dreams. And then I did come here......

Dreams can come true, but once they're crushed, its just not half as fun.