"We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end......"MGMT's Time to Pretend is easily the best song I've heard in 2008. Everytime I hear the song it reminds me of being 18 again (that was TEN year ago!!!). The whole self destructing hedonistic ambition was as appealing then as it is today.
But then this one line always makes me think. It reminds me of someone. A guy in my college. A guy, who did indeed "choke on his vomit" and died. We weren't particularly close but I think this one thing has made me remember him more fondly all these years later. Lot more than a lot who didn't.
Whenever I think of him, I remember the "Tch-Tch" and the "Tssks" which followed his death. We all felt it was not right. That we were somehow smarter and cooler to be alive. Now I'm not so sure.
I mean I could have been that guy. What have I done in these last 10 years which makes my decision to stay alive so much wiser ? Do I love my life a lot more than he did on that day ? Have I 'given back' to the world so much that my otherwise mundane existence can be justified to some higher power ?
I am not fantastic at my job. I am not a super achiever. I am not a great son, or brother or friend or anything.Why is it then, that this life I chose was worth even half the effort of the daily grind ?
And yet I am not suicidal. I am not depressed.Its not as though I'm particularly unhappy. I'm just not ecstatic. And there - is my rationalisation for all of this.
I've just accepted life. I think my biggest triumph is that I've learnt to live. This is what my friend could not do.This is what all of us who choose life do better than those who don't.
But then if you know anyone who died young and feel sad for them, take comfort in the fact that they didn't live long enough to see how pathetic life really is. Its like they had just right no. of vodka shots and felt the buzz. They never woke up with the headache in the morning !
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In other news, I'm doing
Sobe's thing where you ask me anything (like say - Cricket trivia) and I respond with complete honesty (or with random cricket trivia)
Comments (4)
he didn't chose to die...it was an accident...its worthwhile to live simply because there is always a possibility that things moght become, well, not pathetic! death is so certain...
@Iris - I don't know to now, if it was an accident or not. This is not somebody from the MBA college. Its from my Engineering college
And - by now you pretty much know that patheticness of life is certain, so......
i consider this post as a "call for help"
hope you know what that means
random q : how many hours in a day do u spend using the computer?
@girl_in_the_dirty_shirt - I actually don't know what 'call for help' means.
And about your question, On weekdays 10-12 hours (mostly at work). On weekends 12-14 hrs :-/